We Will Learn to Love
by Misty Wildfire
Summary: Tomoyo reflects on how she and Meiling came to be. Warning: Shoujo-ai/femslash/fxf


Disclaimer: I don not own any of these characters, CLAMP does.

AN: Well this is my first CCS ficcy, and my first true shoujo-ai fic(femslash, girl/girl, etc.).  That right there is your warning! So now that you've been warned, have fun reading! Oh and flames, they're welcome, cuz I'll just laugh at them, but good feedback is highly welcome ^_~

Yes this is Tomoyo/Meiling, so =Þ

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I'm not too sure on how this happened.  How we ended up together that is.  Maybe it was because we were both lonely; the ones we loved fell in love with each other.  Despite how much it hurt, in one way or another we helped them get together.  Our friends, for a while, looked at us sympathetically.  They knew we loved them, yet we didn't do anything about it.  Sure she tried too, but as time went by she knew there was nothing that would change his heart.  

To some it would seem a bit strange for us to be together, but too others it made sense.  Two heart broken people, fall in love with each other.  That's not exactly what happened, but close enough.  We spent more time together when Syoaran and Sakura started dating, they'd want us to tag along a couple times and we did.  

It was their date at the fair that started it.  Meiling had gotten very emotional about the two of them.  She couldn't keep the hurt inside any longer.  I was the only one there to comfort her.  I remember crying on the inside, for her, for me, but I couldn't show her, one of us had to be strong, at least on the outside.  I sat there holding her in my arms as she sobbed into my chest; like a lost child.  It wasn't like I found my true love right then, because Sakura will always be my one and only.  But it was comfortable, and we both knew it.

She had quieted her sobbing to a sniffle.  I lifted her chin and wiped away her tears with a sad knowing smile on my face.  That's when it happened.  She kissed me.  At that time I thought it was for comfort, she needed it.  I needed it too.  We both sat there crying while we kissed, it wasn't soft and warm, but full of need and pain.  People walked by thinking we were so cute together, loved ones just now finding their love.  No it was us losing it.

After that, she always came to me when she was feeling alone.  Most of the time it was at night, after a long difficult day watching the ones we loved most.  We were happy for them, god so happy, but it still hurt.  It hurt so much.  That's why she came, and that's why I let her.  I would sit there and hold her every night, just like at the fair.  Almost every time she'd end up falling asleep, not that I minded, it was nice to have someone there lying next to you while you slept; like a stuffed animal.  Some nights we would kiss, to get the anger and pain out, sometimes because we needed it.

It needed to stop, it wouldn't work out.  She knew, she knew all along, no matter how hard we tried we could never love each other to the fullest.  Our hearts belonged to another, another that we could not have.  And it was ok.  She said it was fine.  She said she needed me.  I was the one that kept her in this world.  If I hadn't been there she wouldn't have known what to do.  

I believed her, because she too was the one that kept me in this world.  Yes, we were happy to find he ones we loved, happy with another, but the pain was so, so difficult, like someone stabbing you and laughing.  Like you've been stepped on and just to make sure you stayed down, they stepped on you a few more times.  

Some people thought we were truly in love; let them think that, it's quite possible.  Our relationship is just starting.  I'll learn to love her as we go on.  She'll learn to love me.  We're better off with each other than having to go through that pain everyday, we can share it with each other, comfort each other and soon, hopefully that pain will go away.  And it'll just be the two of us.  I want to fall in love with her.  All I can do is wait, wait for my heart to heal its previous pain so I can make her happy, and I know she is thinking the same thing.  I can see it in her eyes.  We want to love each other, but our hearts are our deciders, not our brain.  

I promise Meiling, that one day I will love you, truly.

"Tomoyo-chan?"  Someone whispered from behind me.  "What are you doing up so late?"

I stand up and go to the bed that we've shared for the past year.  As I brush a strand of hair out of her face I reply,

 "I was just thinking is all." 

 I kiss her forehead to give her assurance.  She smiles and sighs as she lays her head back down on the pillow.  

Yes one day I will learn to love her.


End file.
